mom exhaustion

being a mom is so exhausting i don’t even want to blog about it anymore!
now, on my son 16 month, i have lost my weight and back into my previous weight again (that’s one thing I can control). i’ve cut my hair into a very very short model and colored it, regardless of what effect it may bring to the breast milk (i’m still breastfeeding). but those two things is about the only thing I can control. There come the days when I just want to get away from it all, and the only thing i wanna do is sit in starbuck to stare at people and not doing anything all day long. Or just sleep all day without anyone nagging me to get attention at whatever it is they’re doing. And NOT worry about what to eat for today, or why my son wouldn’t want to eat his lunch, and not worry that my son would be : a. underdeveloped after all we did for him; b. spoiled him into unworthy person; c. basically just doing anything wrong after all our effort.

whew! talking about mom’s worry…

i have quit my pills, because : a. there would be ALWAYS days in a month where i would feel so depressed and would cry hysterically because of any small things, which was foreigned in my single days. suspect : the unbalanced hormones, caused by the pills; b. i have had unpredictable period, sometimes none in two months and sometimes twice in a month! c. the ‘dryness’ down there that give a very uncomfortable feeling.

so here’s to another worry : the possibility of pregnancy. i couldn’t risk the effect of another hormones pills, and i don’t want the iud, cause I still plan to have a baby before 5 yrs. but the pregnancy worry is understandable right now while i could only relied to the help of 1 unqualified housemaid, far away from the support of my own mom, but…a woman must choke it all and lived it all, right?

here’s to whatever comes, it comes.